English Degree Sminglish Degree

How did I actually graduate from college with a B.A. of English? I demand a recollege! Politicians can get a recount, so why can't I get a "recollege" and do it all over again?

If am able to get a "recollege," I will make changes. I promise this time I will not drink, I will attend classes, and now that I know what it's like having a big-girl job, I can go back and make sure I don't end up in this position again. I would concentrate in linguistics and foreign languages. Also, I would make sure I took every communications and composition course available so that when someone asks me what a preposition is, I won't slump in shame and defeat. It's embarrassing.

I don't know if there are any other English wonder-grads out there like me, but I'm sure they can sympathize with me. To them I say, "Let's ask the English major!" Familiar phrase anyone?

I'd rather tell everyone I had my degree in recreational management. At least they wouldn't feel the need to test me every time someone speaks incorrectly, or think I'm the human dictionary, thesaurus, or oh-so-holy Gandhi of grammar.

Though, I am working on my problem. I've attended business writing seminars (the worst kind of seminar). In addition, I will read, write, and practice the language I speak in my spare time.

Oh, but I am lethargy's fool. Perhaps some day I'll get the books and lavish in my new found knowledge. People will no longer ask, "Where did you get your English degree from? Bob's School of Speak Good?"

Instead, they will fall to their knees in adulation, fully respecting this maven of English mastery.